Most of us have suffered in our lives. Some of us have worked through our pain and are moving forward into the life we deserve. Others are stuck in the past, unable to let go and move on. It’s not enough to want to be in a better place. If you don’t take action, you will keep repeating your unhealthy patterns, unable to heal your wounds and live a healthier life.
So what do you need to do? What you don’t need to do is dwell on and talk about all the terrible things that have happened in your life! All this does is make you feel like a victim, wallowing in self pity. What you focus on, you attract. So putting attention on how awful your life has been just keeps you stuck in what you are trying to move beyond.
Before you can let the past go, you do need to put it in perspective. Otherwise you are seeing though the eyes of a child rather than an adult. Although it’s painful to look at the past and who you are as a result of what you have experienced, it is necessary in order to work through whatever is keeping you stuck. Unless you heal the past, which includes inner child work to identify where you have been wounded, you keep it alive in the present where it affects your current relationships. If you want to create healthy relationships, you must do your part to heal yourself. If you do not have a healthy relationship with yourself, you cannot have one with anyone else.
Codependency, an unhealthy focus on and doing for others rather than ourselves, generally originates in childhood and is one of the major issues that prevents us from being happy and having successful relationships. We learn about who we are by seeing ourselves through the eyes of our parents or the adults who raised us. If we didn’t learn that we are special and wonderful and loved for who we are, we don’t know how to love ourselves. That’s why we desperately search for love and acceptance from others.
Our codependent self is the false self, the part of us who adapted to what we experienced growing up. In order to uncover your true self, who you were born to be, I encourage you to do the type of inner child and codependency work that I offer. In order to have healthy love-based intimacy, you must break need-based codependent patterns. If not, you will keep yourself in a childish state waiting for someone to rescue you rather that taking responsibility for yourself. Yes, it’s frightening and often painful, but so worth it! I have spent the last twenty two years perfecting a program that works. All of the parts flow together to make a whole. And that’s what you will become if you take this journey…. whole! Having the courage to work through the pain of the past will bring you to your own true self and more joy than you can imagine.